picking up a paintbrush

this is what i've wanted to do for a while. these images - loud, crazy flowers - are living inside my mind and i am so happy to create them on canvas. creating is so calming. it's not just the spilling of an idea that helps. it's also the focus it takes to blend colors convincingly, and to balance light and dark on the canvas, and the method to choosing which colors of squares will work beside each others, and the carefulness of each brush stroke - all of these things force me to concentrate and takes my mind from the million other things that tend to occupy it. it's mihaly csikszentmihalyi's flow. (fun fact: in graduate school i learned how to spell that name, unfortunately, i've forgotten since then and had to look it up!) it's about the process, and i'm happy that i set aside some time tonight to paint, even if i didn't finish.

one of my mom's friends, upon seeing a ring i'd painted, said something like, "painting that small would stress me out!" i said, "this is the least stressful thing i do". and maybe it is the least stressful thing i do that's somehow productive, because i certainly may have watched a few interviews with charlie sheen this week. maybe.

i need to let myself stop and paint more canvases. i will share them with you whenever possible, and we'll see what happens.